Friday, February 15, 2019
Mine
My girl, he called her
and her heart flipped
her brain bubbled.
This is my girl, he said
when he introduced her
to his friends.
She preened with pride.
But forty years later
her heart righted
the bubbles burst
she resisted the title.
As if she had no other name
no other identity.
Reluctantly
with a usual dash of anger
he gave it up.
Until a final day
when he whispered
You will always be my girl.
Sparked by love or revenge...
she had years to consider
the weight of words.
Bridget Harwell
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2 comments:
I love the short punctuated sound of "brain bubbled" and "preened with pride" and "dash". I love the implications of "usual". And the ambiguity of "a final day". I wonder what would happen if you took out the 2 lines that seem explanatory: "As if she had no other name / no other identity" and "Sparked by love or revenge ..." Compared to all the other image-filled words, they seem a different voice. And without them I feel more space to roam about in the possibilities ...
Thank you. I see how removing those lines leaves more space...but, she then comes off, for me, as mean. Also, I don't mind the change of image, I think it works.
Thanks for your comments.
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