Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Nine Again

At-chewy! I would never sneeze like this in public but I sometimes do when I'm alone. Then, I think of Frankie and how I made my brother laugh with a sneeze. I'm nine again.

I love such moments, the physical memories that return me to a younger self. They give me a sense of continuity and, strangely enough, freedom. On a day when I'm feeling old or stale, a physical sensation from childhood can change my mood...not always, but mostly for the good. This happened the other day when I dragged my tired body to the gym to work out with a trainer. I got belted into a machine and my feet were left to dangle. A kid again. I felt more spontaneous, more adventurous; I really tried hard and I believed I was having fun even when it hurt.

Another thing that can flip me backwards is a pat on the head. Of course, no one pats my head these days, but when I've done something well, I can physically recall my mother's hand on my head. Unlike thoughts, physical remembrance requires no picking apart, no use of words, just experiencing.

It's tiresome always being in adult mode. Small wonder younger and older people report greater degrees of happiness than those in middle age. So many responsibilities, global problems to be solved, kids to be fed, trash to be taken out. Every so often, it's a relief to be aware of a younger you; a sense of physical presence within your grown-up body. People speak of smells and tastes that take them back but there are also postures and smiles and gestures which can connect you with your early life. It takes some awareness but it's a focus worth cultivating. Lately, I've been revisiting my thirteen year old self. If I walk into a room or an airport and Simon Hobbs (my odd heart) is on the telly, I feel a little of the crush I had on Chuck Norton in eighth grade. Only for a moment cause I'm not nuts...but what a delicious moment.

8 comments:

ashley said...

i am sort of sick and so i bought a humidifier. it has this dim reddish light on it that flashed me back to the sensation of being a kid with a nightlight. it was super fleeting but the feeling was so comforting. i don't remember the nightlight but i'm glad i had it......

Aileen said...

What a beautiful description of those flash moments.... I had one a few days ago, getting up in the October early morning dark. For a split second getting dressed, I was looking for my blue sweater with black stripes up the sleeves -- the one I wore in Grade 4 -- all ready for toast and honey, a dark car ride to school and math in that orange workbook....

Jordan said...

I like the phrase "physical remembrance" Riding home on my bike in the dusk, flying like the wind, I am 10. Best age ever.

Bridget said...

Ashley, even though the moment was "super fleeting" it seems it brought you comfort, the deep kind of comfort one is so open to as a child. I hope you feel well again soon. Illness always takes me back to childhood vulnerability. xoxo b

Bridget said...

A great textural "flash moment"...dark colors, implied cold, sweet honey, car rolling, orange math. When you were actually living those moments you didn't know they would return to you in a far future. Mystery. xoxoab

Bridget said...

I have a similar physical remembrance, Jordan, only I'm running towards home flying like the wind. I was 100% alive. I like that you say 10 was the best age. For a long time I've thought that before puberty was the best time...before it all got so complicated and rule bound and affected by others' opinions. Thanks for bringing back my own flying moment.

Gigi Little said...

Beautiful!

Bridget said...

Thank you Gigi. Glad it resonated with you. "Beautiful" is always a great word to hear.